The one I loved...
by schweigenaatash
Summary: Zelgadiss has lost his loved one...just who is she? (gourry/sylphiel, zel/???) hope you like it...


The one I loved

Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers or its characters as they rightfully belong to Rui Araizumi (please let me have gotten the name right).

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The one I loved…

"Another glass? You tryin' to drown y'rself, buddy?"

Sapphire eyes glared at the bartender, who quickly set to pouring another glass of beer for his customer.

Zelgadiss Graywards was known to be a cool, composed and practical realist. No one in their right minds would ever imagine the young chimera to be in a bar, drinking for all he was worth. Yet, here he was now, downing his sixth glass of the bitter, foaming liquid, sapphire eyes unfocused and strangely dead.

Yes, dead. Zelgadiss's eyes had been dead the moment his grandfather had performed the curse upon him, but for a moment, just for a period, he had the old fire back. That was when he had met his first bunch of friends, _real _friends. Those merry little band of travelers who never ceased to get into trouble…yes…that was when he had met _her_.

She was full of laughter, full of joy, full of…_life_. He did not remember the last time he had ever smiled since that fateful day. But smile he did. 

She was irritating at first. All of them were annoying the hell out of him at first. To him, they were mere obstacles to his true goal, to his cure. It annoyed him to see such happiness. It annoyed him to see such optimism in life. Life? Even if he did have a life, he would not have enjoyed it. 

At this, Zelgadiss's glazed eyes focused upon his hand. His human hand.

Everything had been ruined the moment he transformed. Pitch axes, sword, fire. He saw these every time he left his home and entered the nearby town for supplies. Sick and fed up, he had designed an outfit for himself, an outfit with a hood large enough to hide his face. His face, in time, learnt to disguise itself with a mask of ice.

Until he had met _her_. The strong wall of ice he had built around his heart began to melt as he came to understand her better. His mask, which had held for years, came to the verge of cracking every time she was near. 

He knew it. As Zelgadiss sipped at his new order of beer, his mouth curved into a slight smile. Hell, even Gourry knew. The blond idiot was way better at relationships than he could ever be. Probably married off to that Priestess of Sairaag now. 

But he was afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of her mocking him. 

"I'm a fool," Zelgadiss whispered. "Should've told her…should've told her everything…"

"I couldn't have agreed more."

Sapphire eyes flicked to the side, attempting to focus on the blur face of the man next to him. "Gourry…?"

Gently taking the glass of beer away from Zelgadiss's hands, the blond mercenary smiled amiably. "You've had enough for today."

"Leave me alone."

"I've done that for a week. If I leave you alone again, you'd angst yourself to death."

Zelgadiss scowled, "Married life changed you."

"I suppose. Zel…" The dark-haired man turned away, knowing what was coming next. "…it's not your fault."

"…the hell it isn't."

"Stop blaming yourself." Gourry sniffed at the glass of beer, shrugged and took a sip, his face blanching at the taste. "She chose to give her life-"

"Damn it, Gourry, she did it for me!" Slamming his palm on the counter, Zelgadiss came off his chair, knocking it over with a snarl of rage. Several people stared.

Calmly, Gourry pulled the chair back up, his eyes watching Zelgadiss. "Of course. She did it so you'd be happy." His ex-chimera friend sat upon the chair and buried his head into his hands. "At the state you're in, she seems to have given her life up for nothing." 

"Gourry," Zelgadiss murmured. "You're not helping me."

"I am help-"

With another slam on the counter, Zelgadiss jerked his head up. Gourry started. His friend, the cold ruthless swordsman, was crying. Crystalline tears rolled down his cheeks as sapphire eyes flashed its owner's mixed emotions: rage, confusion, sorrow. 

"Do you have any idea how it felt…to have her in my arms…bleeding…and _smiling_ at me?" The man drew a shuddering breath, as though trying to hold back all his emotions that were threatening to pour out. "Do you have any idea how it felt when she…she gave me the vial…the vial filled with her own blood?"

Gourry waited silently as Zelgadiss paused for a moment. "There was so much blood…and she was so cold…I…I lost the thing I treasured most…"

"And gained the thing you've always wanted." The blond mercenary's eyes softened as he gazed upon his now-human friend. 

Silence reigned in the air for a while, before Gourry shook his head, his blond hair swirling behind him. "Zel, you've got to move on…keep her as a happy memory, never forget her…but you have to move on…" At the silence he received, he continued, "I've said it before and I'll say it again. She died to give you happiness. Do you think she's going to be satisfied with you, sobbing your eyes out like that?"

Finally, Zelgadiss wiped his tears away with the back of his hand as he stared at Gourry. "What on earth has Sylphiel been teaching you?"

"Loads of stuff. She's really good at this," Gourry winked. "So, what are you intending to do now?"

"Pay Amelia a little visit. She needs to know."

Patting his friend's back, Gourry left the bar with him. 

*

Clutching tightly to the bouquet of flowers in his hand, Zelgadiss knelt down and placed it gently onto the grave. Gourry stood behind, giving his friend the privacy he wanted. Closing his eyes, Zelgadiss began.

"I'm sorry…I bet you would've preferred a field of wild flowers, wouldn't you? This was the best I could find…it has the field part, but as for the flowers…" Zelgadiss sat down onto the grass. "No, I didn't come here to say that. I just wish to tell you something…something I should have said a long time ago. Poor Amelia was so heart-broken. I'm sure she'll manage fine, Princesses always have many suitors, do they not? What I wanted to say was…"

An image of her running across the field, her fiery red hair flowing, her red eyes sparkling with laughter formed slowly as Zelgadiss smiled.

_I love you…_

The girl whipped back, a rare, tender smile on her face.

_…Lina Inverse._

Author's comments: Gomen, I read through the fic, found Gourry quite OOC. ^^;; Don't have a real explanation for it, except Sylphiel taught him what to say…so hope you Gourry fans don't mind. This would also be my first, probably last angst fic…got me all depressed. ^^;; I hope it got you depressed too…that's the desired effect of an angst fic, right? ^.^ Comments and criticism appreciated, thank you!


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